the boy i love

its been so frustrating lately. being so far apart. but its helped me really appreciate a lot of things about him, and about us. i have been too caught up in the frustration of being away from him, which has caused me to misjudge his actions. today we were arguing again. and about nothing. there was something that i wanted, and i was determined on making him guess. because i thought that if he were able to guess, then he must really care. but he couldn’t. instead of telling him or opening up to my feelings, i hid my face with a pillow and pouted. he kept on asking me what i was thinking about, my only reply was “nothing.” getting nowhere with that answer, he decided to go to bed. i was hurt by the fact that he had hung up, i started to cry selfish tears. he could tell by the way i wrote him good night that i was not ok. so being the sweetheart that he is, he stayed and we began to talk. i was being picky about everything. everything down to his punctuation. the pointless arguing went on and on. but all of the sudden, 

it hit me. 

this is the boy i love that i’m talking to. the boy that would do anything for me. 

why am i treating him like this? this time my eyes began to water because i realized how selfish i was being, how blind i was to not realize that he cares about me. this boy i love, i was hurting him with my words. the words that are meant to show him how much i care about him, just the way he cares about me. so my heart began to soften, my breathing evened, my words sweetened. soon after i articulated my feelings to him, he fell asleep and i felt content to know that we were no longer upset at each other. and that even something like this can bring us another step further. he told me that i was never alone, 

that i carry his heart in mine.